The loss of a loved one is one of life's most profound and challenging experiences, and it becomes even more complex when a child is involved. Explaining death to a child and helping them navigate the emotional journey that follows is a delicate task that parents, caregivers, and educators often face. Children, depending on their age and understanding, may react to death in various ways, and it's our responsibility to guide them through this process with love, patience, and understanding.

As the cost for a traditional burial rises each year and as people have become more environmentally conscious about our land shortage, Cremation has become the preferred choice for many Australians, With over 70% of funerals now involving a cremation.

There is no textbook to tell you what to do in these circumstances, and suddenly you find yourself in a situation having to decide whether to cremate or bury your loved one. Subsequently, you then have to make a decision about what to do with their ashes.

Just recently there was a lot of media coverage about a fan allegedly throwing a bag containing her mum’s ashes at a Pink Concert. And it prompted a lot of people to think what they would do with their loved ones ashes.

Today I have a chat with Oliver & Yaz from the URN Collective to discuss the options on what to do with someone’s ashes.

Links:
Urn Collective

Have you ever wondered what you should do when someone you love dies and their death is expected? It is important to note that these are the steps should someone be receiving care from their doctor and their death is not unexpected.

Some people may argue differently, but I believe funerals are for the living to remember and honour their dead.

Jo Lincoln is no stranger to the podcast. In fact, she was my first ever guest and I am absolutely delighted to have her back, talking about her new book - "Is this normal?"

Grief is uncomfortable, it is complex and everyone experiences it differently.

At times it feels overwhelming and all consuming, and indeed very abnormal.

Jo is a death doula, a celebrant, a certified grief educator, a counsellor with Griefline and now a published author.

And today we have a lovely conversation, normalising grief in the early days after someone dies

Links

Is this normal?

Griefline

20 percent of women or 1 in 5 may experience a pregnancy loss in the first 20 weeks of pregnancy.  

That is 1 early pregnancy loss every 5 mins in Australia.  Behind these statistics are real people.  So many people walk this lonely road, yet often we never know.  It’s such a silent and isolating grief, not being able to talk with anyone about it. And having to act like it never happened...

The chances are someone you know and love will have experienced an early pregnancy loss and it is very important that we all learn how to support grieving parents better.  

I have to admit, my experience of miscarriage or early pregnancy loss is from a professional point of view.  I have walked with many parents to honour their precious babies but I haven’t experienced this type of loss myself.  

But I do know that there isn’t enough understanding of the grief around this type of loss.  But I want to educate myself and learn more.  

In an effort to being more open to learning how we can support couples who have experienced pregnancy loss,  I have invited Karen Schlage to be a guest.   

Karen’s 2 babies – Charlie and Sophia both died in the 2nd trimester of each pregnancy.  Although it is very bittersweet, Karen is now doing incredible work in honouring them and advocating for those facing pregnancy loss.  

This is a wonderful chat and I think we can all learn something from it.  

Links
Karen's Website 
Churchill Fellowship
Pink Elephants

I believe we have a collective responsibility to continue to do death better.

Grief is a very lonely and isolating experience for those going through it.

Grief can also make us feel uncomfortable because we don't know what to say or do to offer support

Today in this episode of Deadly Serious Conversations podcast, Melinda Whyman and I discuss how to help us learn to be a better support person to someone who is grieving. Navigating how to comfort a friend or family member during such a difficult time is overwhelming — but don’t let the fear of saying or doing the wrong thing hold you back from trying to help at all.

So those who wait, those who mourn, those whose arms ache, those whose heart ache, those without support, those who are disappointed, those who are broken, those who aren’t sure who they are, those who are brave and to all those who find mothers day very difficult, I see you today and every day and  I am sending much love to those whose hearts are hurting and need some extra TLC this week.

Regardless of the circumstances of anyone’s death, we do not need to know this information. They only reason we want to know is to satisfy our own natural curiousity. It doesn’t change the fact that someone has died.

Regardless of the circumstances of anyone’s death, we do not need to know this information. They only reason we want to know is to satisfy our own natural curiousity. It doesn’t change the fact that someone has died.

In this digital age, we all rush to Social Media to express how we are feeling.

Our natural reaction when learning of someone’s death is to pay tribute to them on our social networks. Please, please, please, do not do this until the family has done so.

They may not be ready for the influx of messages or taking on other people’s grief. In those early days there is so much to process. And whether you make a tribute immediately or in a few days time, it won’t change the fact that the person has died.

Over the years, I have heard a lot of people say their pet peeve is a celebrant getting up and talking about the person who died, as if they knew them better than anyone in the room.

For some families they don’t want me sharing their person’s story. They want to share it themselves.

Recently, I had an experience of driving with a funeral procession on a short drive from a service to a cemetery, for a burial.

We were in a line of about 10 cars when an unconnected driver became visibly frustrated with having to slow down.

I know there could have been many things going on for that driver at that moment, but it has prompted me that perhaps we all need reminding of what to do if we encounter a funeral procession.

Funerals have changed dramatically in the last decade.

Not that long ago, they followed a very standard procedure.

Often mourners wore black,

Most funerals were burials

Religion played a big part and there were very few personal touches.

In this episode of the podcast, I have a wonderful chat with Stan Commings who is almost 94 years young!

Stan dedicated his working life to working in the funeral industry. People like Stan paved the way for those of us who work in the industry now. And I really enjoyed hearing his stories.

We have so much to learn from history but it is also fascinating to see how things have changed.

This conversation was a lovely reminder to me, of how important it is to capture and preserve the thoughts and memories of our older generations. And how recording stories leaves a legacy of living history for future generations. And I would like to thank Stan for sharing his stories with me.

In this episode of the podcast, I have a wonderful chat with Rebecca Lyon

Rebecca is an Independent Funeral director based in Tasmania who works in the area of Home Based death care and family led funerals

She is also the founder of You N Taboo, a local Tasmania Initiative, dedicated to promoting and dispelling some of the taboos around death and dying to encourage a healthier culture around death and Helping to make the conversation about death and dying, just another part of life.

In this rich conversation with have a frank and honest chat about Home Based death care.

Many people don’t realise that choosing to spend time – whether that’s a short time or a longer period, with a loved one who has died, in their home, is an option available to them. Many think it’s illegal to keep a body at home and believe the process may be too difficult.

And although this option may not appeal to everyone, it is important to know that our loved ones CAN be cared for at home, after they die allowing their family to be an integral part of the death and funeral process and giving them precious time prior to their funeral.

We have a great chat about whats involved in this model of care and how a supportive funeral director may help with the more difficult parts of the process.

Rebecca’s wonderful Tedx Talk titled “three steps into the Heart of Home Funeral” provides a wonderful insight into moving death and dying back into the home – where it was common practice for hundreds of years.

And how it can change the grieving process.

Although the requirements around after-death care and Home Based death care do vary from state to state, this is a wonderful conversation. so that we can make better informed choices about the options available

I hope you find this as informative as I do.

In this episode of the podcast I talk to the lovely Dr Annetta Mallon from Gentle Death Education and Planning about Advance Care Plans.

During our conversation we discuss why Advance Care Plans are so important and how they allow you to think about and document your wishes should you be unable to make those decisions yourself.

Advance care plans are not only for the elderly or the unwell. They are important things to think about at any age.

All of us are different and we need to ensure that our values and preferences around living and dying are documented, so those preferences can be adhere to.

Dr Annetta Mallon

End of Life conversations are tough conversations to start.

We tend to avoid them because we don't want to cause upset, often we don't want to face reality and they may bring up uncomfortable emotions.

Anne supported her partner Greg through his cancer diagnosis and his treatment. But following a terminal diagnosis, they had to learn how to live in the face of death.

Throughout their life together, Anne and Greg discussed everything, so it seemed only natural that following Greg's terminal diagnosis that their discussions included his end of life care. They also spent time planning his funeral and how he want his life to be celebrated and remembered.

For Anne and Greg there was nothing left unsaid. They spent time together making practical preparations for Greg's death.

What a gift this has been for Anne. She felt confident that every decision she made, was exactly as Greg wanted it.

When someone dies the shock and grief can make decision making more difficult. But conversations prior to death, can be an act of love and help soften some of the anguish for those left behind

This is Anne & Greg's story.

In this episode of the podcast, I have a chat to Katie Anne from a charity called Jacinta’s Smile is passionate about helping those suffering the loss of a sibling for bereaved children and young adults.

Katie Anne knows too well the grief when a sibling dies. In an extraordinary set of circumstances, she has experienced it 3 times with the death of her brother Declan when she was a child, and her sister Jacinta and her brother Fintan when she was an adult.

Sibling grief is a forever process and there are so many different parts of your life that it touches.

Siblings are people that you grow up with. They are a part of your life from the beginning. You don’t remember life without them and there is an expectation they will always be there in the future

When a sibling dies, those bonds are shattered and that shared history has a void that cannot be filled.