Tips for the Day of a Funeral
When the day of a funeral arrives, emotions run high, and it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. Whether you’re planning to farewell a loved one or attending to show your support, a bit of preparation can go a long way in helping you navigate the day. Below are some tips to help you stay grounded and focused when it matters most.
1. Arrive Early
There’s nothing worse than rocking up late to a funeral. Not only is it disrespectful, but it also adds unnecessary stress to an already emotional day. Aim to arrive at least 15 minutes early. This gives you time to park, find a seat, and settle in. If you’re part of the ceremony (e.g. delivering a eulogy or tribute), arriving early ensures you’ve got time to run through everything and get your bearings.
Pro Tip: If the service is in a busy area or an unfamiliar spot, plan your route the night before and allow extra time for traffic or getting lost.
2. If You’re Not Up for Socialising, That’s Okay
Grieving is different for everyone, and sometimes the thought of chatting to a roomful of people can feel like too much. If you’re not up to meeting and greeting before the service, that’s perfectly fine.
Let someone close to you know how you’re feeling, so they can act as a buffer.
Slip into the venue quietly and find a seat towards the back if you’d rather keep a low profile.
Remember, people will understand. Funerals are about support, not performance.
3. Try to Get a Good Night’s Sleep
Easier said than done, right? Grief has a way of keeping us up at night, but being rested will help you cope better on the day. If sleep isn’t coming easy:
Avoid caffeine in the afternoon or evening.
Try a calming herbal tea or warm milk before bed.
Jot down any racing thoughts to help clear your mind.
Even a bit of rest is better than none, so don’t beat yourself up if you’re sleep is disruptive.
4. Eat Something – Even If It’s Just Toast
It’s easy to forget to eat when you’re anxious or grieving, but you’ll need the energy to get through the day. A simple brekkie like toast, fruit, or a smoothie will do the trick if you’re not feeling up to much.
Pack a snack (like a muesli bar or some nuts) should the ceremony run longer than you anticipate.
Stay hydrated – especially if the venue’s outdoors or it’s a hot day.
The last thing you want is to feel faint or hangry at a solemn occasion.
5. Print Out Tributes and Readings
If you’re speaking at the funeral, print off your notes. Trying to read from your phone can be fiddly and risky – one accidental swipe, and your speech could vanish. A printed copy is easier to read, less likely to fail, and can double as a keepsake later.
Hot Tip: Double-space your printout and use a larger font for easy reading, especially if you’re nervous.
6. Dress Appropriately but Comfortably
Funerals are typically formal, but comfort matters, too. Choose respectful attire that you feel good in. In Australia, it’s not unusual to see a mix of traditional black outfits and lighter, more casual options.
For outdoor services, consider the weather:
Bring sunnies, a hat, or a brolly if needed.
Wear sensible shoes in case you don’t get a seat and you find yourself standing or uneven ground.
7. Plan for Emotional Moments
Funerals are emotional, and it’s normal to feel overwhelmed. Be kind to yourself and prepared for moments of tears. Bring tissues and a bottle of water and if you’re close to someone who may struggle, sit nearby to offer quiet support.
8. Delegate Where You Can
If you’re responsible for parts of the funeral, like organising flowers or coordinating with the celebrant, don’t hesitate to ask for help. Delegating tasks to family members or friends can lighten your load and give others a chance to contribute.
9. Keep the Kids in Mind
If you’re bringing children, have a chat beforehand about what to expect.
Let them know it’s okay to feel sad or ask questions.
Pack some quiet activities for younger kids, like colouring or a book, in case they get restless.
Have someone as a back up should they get restless and need to go outside for a walk
10. Take Time to Breathe
Grief can sneak up on you in waves. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, a few deep breaths can help ground you and bring some calm back into the day.
11. Be Present
Put your phone on silent to focus on the ceremony. Funerals are a time to reflect, honour the deceased, and support those around you. Being fully present makes a big difference.
12. Being together informally is an important part of the day too
After the service, there’s often a wake or gathering where people can share stories and memories. It’s a chance to connect, laugh, and cry together. If you can stay, do – but if you’re feeling drained and need to leave early, that’s okay, too.
13. Don’t Forget to Look After Yourself Post-Funeral
The funeral is just one step in the grieving process. Once the day is done, take time to check in with yourself.
Rest if you’re tired.
Reach out to loved ones if you need support.
Be patient with your emotions – grief doesn’t have a timeline.
Final Thoughts
A funeral is a unique blend of sadness, love, and reflection. While it can be tough, it’s also an opportunity to honour someone’s life and connect with those who shared it. With a bit of preparation and self-care, you can navigate the day with grace and focus on what truly matters.
Remember, there’s no right or wrong way to grieve. Just do what feels best for you and your loved ones.